Where's Smokey
when you need him?

By Pablo Benaforte

If I see another goddamn inconsiderate smoker throw his/her cigarette butt out of their cars, there could be trouble. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, violent, nor am I suffering from silly little road rage. This is a justifiably ugly character flaw of some thousands of Los Angelenos. These are the people who don't realize that their waste will be picked up by someone else.

Up to this point, I have only pulled up beside them and commented that they should use their ashtray. Most of them are so shocked that they've been scolded on a public street that they can't even respond. These smokers, not only do they not have good sense, but evidently they are highly thoughtless, and lazy litterers as well.

I've been trying to come up with a way to get rid of about 3 or 4 million people in the LA area, but so far I haven't come up with anything humane. My first suggestion to the census people would be to get rid of the filthy smokers. That would ease my congestion on the 101.

Every time I see a smoker light up, I am reminded of the evil of the dirtiest legal business of all time. No amount of cigarettes is good for an individual, yet millions indulge in this sinful exercitation daily.

Smokers, do your thing,… but won't you stop cluttering the public streets of Los Angeles with your horrible butts?

Take some pride in the city in which you reside. Is it so hard to empty out your ashtray once a week? If you answer "yes" to that question, get some fucking help immediately. You're delirious with stupidity.

From Wilshire Gazette (January 2003)

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