WORLD NEWS
Sharon to Bush: Conquer the Mideast ... or Else

by Roggie McFadden

WASHINGTON, DC -- November 20, 2002 -- In a conference call involving high-level US defense department chiefs, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon instructed US President George W. Bush to conquer the entire Middle East -- or else.

"My patience is wearing thin, Bushie Boy," Mr. Sharon said at one point. Sharon and Defense Department chickenhawks have been critical of the delays in invading Iraq caused by the US's present course of seeking approval through the UN Security Council. Going through the UN signifies a complete U-turn from the highly effective, tried-and true "bomb first, ask questions later" approach originally planned.

Sources say Mr. Bush was visibly affected by the meeting, one witness saying that the President was literally "quaking in his penny-loafers."

It is unclear what sort of threat the Prime Minister made to Mr. Bush. Speculation has it, however, that, if the United States does not agree to conquer Iraq, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, and Libya, Sharon plans on orchestrating a smear campaign against the President, going for the Achilles' Heel of this administration: President Bush's singular lack of any intellectual ability whatsoever.

"It's just this simple: if Ariel Sharon goes all out and starts saying 'Bush is too dumb to conquer Iraq,' that's gonna have serious consequences on the President's popularity rating," said political pundit Harvey Holmebois.

From Wilshire Gazette (December 2002)

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